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January 25th, 2001


(no subject)

So far the day has been less than stellar. I woke up with a god-damned sparkly in my eye. I actually saw the freaking thing in my dreams. Blech. Also found a rejection letter in my e-mail box. Not for the story I did the revision on at least. I'm hoping for a little longer reprieve before I get that rejection. Ain't I being the optimist? It's funny how one editor will read the story and say it's cool how I start with a cliche idea and deviate from the cliche (but it's too long of a story) and another editor will say is all cliche and boring (and too long to boot). *sigh* Maybe I'll just put the entire thing on my website and say screw it to trying to get it sold.

Also annoyed with how I'm back to signing on LJ everyday. I liked the "always logged on" feature. No one else (aside from Eric) used this 'puter so I have no worries about anyone reading/generally messing with this journal.

I've been thinking about this journal. My entries are kind of bland. Sometimes only what I've done in a day, sometimes some bits of outpouring/venting. I wonder if I censor myself too much here. There are some parts I censor. Sexuality, for instance. You won't find much on my sex life. Why? Because it is something that is not entirely my own. There is someone else involved--Eric. He would not like our sexual activities to be perused by others and I respect that. Because, this is a community, not just a self-contained world. We interact with each other, supposrt each other, or if anything just gaze into someone elses world for a while. That last one is me, most of the time. I'm quiet, I'm young, I don't often reply to posts, but I still feel like I have a dialogue going with you all. Because you post, and I post. And, though I can't speak for you all, but what is there gets internalized, digested, absorbed. It all becomes part of what makes me up. Nutrients for my cells, if you will.

Don't mind me I'm on a headache induced ramble. :)
Need to try to write.

(no subject)

I have not only closed my drapes to keep out the light, I have darkened the brightness and contrast of my computer screen. Gawd this is a bad one.

(no subject)

Need music. Need Chopin. Yes, waltzes. Anyone ever seen the movie Impromptu?
"This is biz-arre and fright-ning as well."

I filled the first 10 CD slots with classical. Mostly Chopin and Beethoven. I remember arguing the virtues of Mozart vs. Beethoven while dancing with Rocky Hardy at prom. That was before I knew Chopin! This CD of waltzes and impromptus reminds me of the spring of my freshman year in college. I found Chopin, George Sand, William Sharp all that semester and I didn't have a single English class. I think that spring was maybe the happiest I've ever been. The world went to hell by that fall.

Warning: More rambling ahead...

I wonder if the pacing of what I'm writing is too slow. I've been writing 1000 words per day and doing about a scene per word. (I'm letting the rejection I got this morning affect me. One of their criticisms was that my pacing was too slow. I should have sent them the cut version of the piece though I think the uncut is better.) How much detail is too much for a novel? My thoughts when writing Lucinda were go until you think there is too much and then go a little farther. But, I don't know. That was when I was switching from writing short stories to writing something novel length. Do people have patience for that sort of detail? I'm always bugged when someone sees a movie and says, "Oh it was just too slow." And I say, "No it was just well told." I'll just go with the advice of "write what you'd like to read" for now I guess. I'd love to just be immersed in the characters and settings of a book. It doesn't happen often enough.

Reading at the moment: The Haunted. A supposedly real-life account of a demon infestation. I'm a sucker for "real" paranormal. I'm actually surprised at how scary it isn't. I'm not saying that if the things that were happening in the book were happening to me I wouldn't be scared shitless; I'm just saying as reading material, it's not knocking my socks off.

And what's the deal with everyone on Napster downloading from me today? It's not like I got a fast connection!

Moving on from Chopin to Eroica Symphony by Beethoven. Wrote a paper on the second and third movements of Eroica in college. Useless trivia: in the movie Psycho, it's the record found in Norman Bates bedroom. Never could quite figure out why it was there though. Something Normy found empowering? Dunno...

Okay, gonna check the mail now and stop rambling.

A very odd letter...

Hmm...got a letter back from an editor who likes my story but they don't have space for it now. While they say they are willing to put my story "at the top of [their] list" should a spot open, they also mention several times that they wish me luck placing my story. (This is neither the story I got the rejection on, nor the story I revised earlier this week, but a third story I've had out and about. Yeah, this from someone who generally gave up writing short stories!) So, is the optimist in me going to say, "Cool, I might get in" or is the pessimist going to decide they just don't want it and they're being nice? Optimist is winning because they have no reason to be nice.

A very odd letter indeed, and here I was bracing myself for the second rejection of the day.